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Monthly Archives: December 2006

infinite improbability drive

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Filed under General, weird

I’m going to go ahead and fly out to California in the morning, so I have to leave with something so profound that you can think about it for an entire week.

I don’t believe in coincidence. It’s not that I think there’s some consciousness out there setting up fancy little scenarios that make you think “that was weird.” I just think that our capacity to understand the universe is extremely limited.

When an event happens that we call a coincidence, it’s either something completely meaningless that our mind draws false connections with, or we have a sense that there is a connection, but lack the capacity or ability to perceive it’s cause or meaning.

That brings me to the biggest ‘coincidence’ within 100,000,000 miles. Our perfect solar eclipses are almost infinitely improbable. The sun and moon have nearly identical angular sizes when viewed from earth. The sun is 400 times wider than the moon, but also 400 times farther away. There’s no reason for this. Beyond that, like humans, these near perfect eclipses are only a temporary phenomenon. The moon is literally inching away from earth. Within 50 million years our perfect eclipses will be a thing of the past. That’s a blink of an eye.

As far as space and time go, we are incredibly lucky to be able to witness this. I hate to sound like an asshole, but the whole thing reminds me of an old Buddhist teaching. The story has to do with the incredible ‘coincidence’ that we exist at all.

“Monks, suppose that this great earth were totally covered with water, and a man were to toss a yoke with a single hole there.

A wind from the east would push it west, a wind from the west would push it east. A wind from the north would push it south, a wind from the south would push it north.

And suppose a blind turtle were there. It would come to the surface once every one hundred years.

Now what do you think – Would that blind turtle, coming to the surface once every one hundred years, stick his neck into the yoke with a single hole?”

“It would be a sheer coincidence, Lord, that the blind turtle, coming to the surface once every one hundred years, would stick his neck into the yoke with a single hole.”

“It’s likewise a sheer coincidence that one obtains the human state….”

I have no idea if eclipses are just pure chance, or if they have any fundamental reason for being that I can’t comprehend. Is it natural that they’d exist at the same time as us? Is there any connection at all? Who knows?

Whatever the meaning(lessness) no one can argue that they haven’t shaped our own history. Through time, eclipses have been both feared and revered. Battles have been fought or stopped because of them. Mathematics have been created to predict them. Einstein’s Theory of Relativity was proven by one.

In some Star Trek style interplanetary style federation of civilizations, this could be earth’s big tourist draw. But until then, here’s an eclipse calendar. Go see one before you die.

Saturn

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Filed under General, Photo

This is just one of those shots that’s so hard to get. The planet Saturn, aligned between the Cassini spaceprobe and the sun, in order to get that total eclipse lighting. Just a great photo.

I am defeated

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Filed under General

This morning I’m riding my bike to work and when I pass by my car and see that the driver’s side front tire is flat.

“Shit.” I think to myself.

The car is parked in an alley street, so after work I head on over and decide to put on the donut and take it down to the auto shop about a mile from my house. I loosen the lug nuts, jack up the car and put on the spare. I lower the car and notice that the spare is just about as flat as the other tire. But it’s on and I only have to go a mile. I’ll drive slowly… I think. About 100 feet later, the tire is off the rim and I’m driving on metal. I pull over immediately, now on 10th street in a very precarious spot.

“Shit” I think to myself.

Next I go inside and grab my bicycle pump. I’ll put some air in the flat tire and put it back on the car. Hopefully it’s a slow leak and I can make it to the auto-shop. I pull the car a third of a block up to a small, private parking lot and steal someone’s space so that I don’t get killed trying to change a tire in a center city street. I get everything back out, but realize that the car is on a slant.

I go looking for a rock to stick behind the back tire, so the car, when jacked up won’t fall on and kill me. I find a perfect piece of concrete and just for good measure, go looking for a piece for the other tire. Instead I find a homeless man drinking steel reserve in the back of the parking lot.

He becomes my companion as I re-change the tire. I learn all about his life. To tell you the truth, he’s was absolutely fascinating character. 42 years old, grew up in Roxborough, still torn up over a girl he dated down in Florida who left him so that she could whore herself without hearing his shit about it. Mentally ill ex-junky, HIV positive, a man who freely uses the word ‘nigger’ loudly and without hesitation in the course of a public conversation.

He seemed harmless, but I did not leave my tools in his reach. If I had a free hand, I kept the lug nut wrench in it, just in case he tried to rob me and I had to beat his head in. He talked at me for 20 minutes, completely self aware of his situation, but completely resigned to continue on with it.

I had no success putting air in the tire and decided to drive at 3mph to the repair shop. I lowered the car and parted ways with my vagrant friend. I gave him $2 to do with whatever he saw fit, declined to give him a ride to South street and headed towards Monroe at Broad and Washington. I thought they closed at 7PM

I pulled into Monroe at 6:50 and the place was apparently closed. I parked in the lot, plastered notes all over the car advertising my situation and my imminent return and asking not be towed. I got my bike out of the back of the car, reattached the wheel, gathered my things, zipped up my hoodie and got on my bike to head home. First though, I decided to check the hours on the window. When I got to the entrance, I saw a sign.

To better serve our customers, we’ve moved to 2300 Oregon Ave.

“Shit” I thought.

I got out the pump again and this time, for some reason it worked. I put 20 lbs of pressure in the tire and headed over to the gas station at Broad and Christian. Meanwhile several situations were fast developing as cop cars were racing all over the place, pulling people over and calling in the helicopters. Bad night all around.

At the gas station, I filled up the tire and headed down to Washington Ave. At 10th I found a gas station with a repair service. That’s where the car is now. The gas station was open, but the repair shop is closed until the morning. Tomorrow at 8AM, I go back and see what the situation is.

I rode home to the sound of helicopters and police sirens.

more troops

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Filed under political

Soon George Bush will say that he’s though long and hard about things and that the answer to Iraq is more troops. I say this because that’s the line being taken by those who shape the line, but this is also a good time to remember the lessons our president learned from the Vietnam War. When asked about those lessons, he said:

“One lesson is that we tend to want there to be instant success in the world, and the task in Iraq is going to take a while… We’ll succeed, unless we quit.”

I don’t really have anything else to say.

philly sports

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Filed under General, Philly

I was an infant when the Phillies last won the World Series. I was in pre-school when the Sixers won it all in 1983. Since then I’ve either watched Philly sports teams lose on the way to the top, or scratch their way up only to get their asses knocked off by whoever else made it up that year.

I have many great Philly sports memories, but overall this city is more frustrating than blue balls on a teenager. I have no conscious memory of a parade. I have no hope to see one anytime soon.

With Allen Iverson moving on, I feel it’s my responsibility as a Philadelphian to share my favorite sports memory.

Iverson wasn’t going to lead the Sixers to greatness anytime soon, but not too many years ago, he almost did just that. My all time favorite Philly Sports moment, a game better than 1000 Rocky sequels, was Game 1 of the 2001 NBA finals. The Sixers struggled to the finals, going 7 games in series against Toronto and (Indiana?). The Lakers, led by Kobe and Shaq rolled through the playoffs, sweeping every series. The Sixers traveled to LA for game 1. No one gave them a chance in hell.

I had a few people over and it turned into a small party. The lady in the restaurant below my apartment rang my bell before the game went into overtime. She said we were shaking the glasses in the bar by jumping up and down on the floor. When the Sixers won that game in OT, thanks in totality to Allen Iverson’s play, that was without a doubt, the absolute best I’ve felt as a Philly fan. Here’s an article and some video from that game:

[link]

very unsettling post

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Filed under General, Philly, weird

Back in the pre-blog days of this site I wrote something about skinned bunnies and their affects on my childhood brain. I searched the internet for a good photo of skinned bunnies, but couldn’t find anything. On Saturday, I photographed some bunnies in the window of D’Angelo Brothers down in the Italian Market.

There’s something very disturbing about skinned bunnies. Obviously, their faint resemblance to human bodies is at the root of it, but almost equally as unsettling is the mental image of a cute, fluffy, little bunny meeting the reality of a skinned, splayed, decapitated animal lying on a bed of ice. That’s what got to me as a kid and that’s what I tried to capture in that window. The neon reflecting in the cellophane adds to the strange atmosphere.

I’m a meat eater. I’m taking a friend out to dinner on Saturday for her birthday. Her favorite place is Monks and my favorite dish there is the rabbit. I’ll probably order that. As a meat eater, I can’t possibly be disturbed by the reality of the meat and call myself an honest person. There’s a whole lot I could write about meat and the importance of knowing and respecting where it comes from, but that’s really for some other post. Until then, skinned bunnies:

a tale of 2 parking spaces

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Filed under General

I’ve got a parking problem. Case in point. It’s rush hour. I’m on 19th street between Chestnut and Walnut. I see a space and stop. It’s a tight one, but I’m sure there’s enough room. Traffic is thick and I have to be fast. I pull in and cut very hard. I’m barely in, but I’m in. I pull back and forth 6, 8, 10 times. Finally I’m straight and snug to the curb. I get out. The front of the car has less than an inch clearance. I can’t stick my finger in the space between cars. I walk around to the back of the car and it’s almost the same story. An inch, an inch and a half at most separates my car from the one behind me. I’m so impressed with myself that I kick myself for not having my camera.

This isn’t the first time this has happened. I’ve parked in some very tight spots. But now the problem. I get home. There’s a spot on my block. A big spot. I’m in a little Civic and this is big enough for a Hummer. I stop and back up. The angle’s off, very soft, but I have plenty of room… but I can’t cut in. I’m up on the curb. I go back and forth a little. Backing onto the sidewalk, coming back down on the street, unable to get myself the clearance I need. I pull out and pull in again, this time successfully.

It seems that unchallenged, I lose my focus. This is a story about parking, but it translates well.

huh

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Filed under General

Well the inevitable has finally happened. This site has been discovered by at least 1 of my co-workers. (Hi “M.”)

O’well. It’s not a bad thing, or at least not as bad as if they’d found out about amputee side project or one of other more unspeakable pastimes. But that’s a worry for another day.

I already knew that the site had been, or would eventually be discovered by my web savvy colleagues. Between people googling my name, my mentioning where I work on the site and even mixing work projects with posts it was an inevitability.

But before my suspicions were limited. Someone would bring up something that I posted and I couldn’t remember if I had mentioned it to them here in the regular world. One co-worker sometimes ends emails with “that’s all for now” and I squint, wondering why. (Hi “R.”) A few artists and various fringe employees are well aware of it and it was only a matter of time.

That time has come. The walls that I so studiously erected around myself and my rent paying work just got a new window. Hello everyone.

very tired

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Filed under General, short story

This morning I saw the sunrise over the east. This morning the east included South Philly, Camden, oil refineries, Philadelphia International Airport, some more heavy industry and the old Navy Yard. (not Old Navy, but old Navy… and strangely, the new Urban Outfitters headquarters.)

This morning I woke up at 6AM, which is a terrible thing to do on a Sunday morning. But when you’ve got nothing much to do for a while, fatigue can be interesting. I’m not going back to sleep. I’m just gonna roll with it for a while.

This morning I drove from Broad and Pattison all the way back into the part of the city with the tall buildings. I considered driving the whole run of Broad, but I was very hungry and wanted another cup of coffee. The Oak Lane diner was way too far away. It’s 9AM and I haven’t gotten that second third etc cup and I still haven’t eaten. There’s 1 egg in the refrigerator. There are 4 or 5 kinds of cheese.

The other day, I made an impulse purchase of Prima Donna cheese.

This morning I dropped my girlfriend off at the airport, which means I’m living alone for a week. In a week I fly out to meet her in California. A week after that I come back to Philadelphia.

It’s warm here, but there are still insects alive outside in California.

I haven’t done any Christmas shopping, but I’ve been thinking about what I’m getting and for who. I’m ready to start making some purchases.

This story doesn’t go anywhere from here. I could say something out of left field, like our perception is so tremendously skewed by our ignorance, biology and limited capacity that all we experience is a fragmentary illusion of some false reality… because I was reading some person’s myspace page and they were writing about that. That was a few minutes before I started writing this. I was tired and that thought seemed like a nice idea. But actually right now I’m just hungry and want to get another cup of coffee. It’s early on a Sunday, maybe I’ll walk around the city for a while.

digging through the garbage – a public notice

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Filed under General, Philly

Over the years, I’ve had a lot of fun digging through the trash. The best time of year is May/June on Penn campus and West Philly. Penn kids throw away tons of interesting shit. But that’s not what I’m here to tell you all about.

Right now, Tower Records is throwing away all sorts of items. This evening I found a bunch of signed posters from various artists. I didn’t have the time or opportunity to go through it all, but someone might find something they want in there. For example, I hate Citizen Cope, but if you like him, there’s a big autographed Citizen Cope poster-board lying in the dumpster behind Tower on Sansom street. Go knock yourself out.