Long ago in a world far, far away the city of Philadelphia constructed bomb shelters where its citizens could supposedly flee in case of nuclear war. Embedded here is a video tour of one of those shelters, conveniently located 1 block north of Broad & Market (otherwise known as ground zero.).
Now before you laugh at the absurd location, consider that word of imminent nuclear attack and detonation of the first bombs would probably have been separated by about 20 minutes. 20 minutes is more than enough time for our brave councilpeople to amble north to Arch street and secure themselves underground with plenty of kaopectate, salt, asprin, candy and comic books. Enjoy!
Last night I saw a commercial for the coinstar machine. You’ve probably heard of it, but in case you haven’t it works like this: You take all your loose change and throw it into the coinstar and get paper money in return. No rolling, no counting, all easy. In the commercial, the guy who goes to the machine gets a nice return then ‘splurges’ on some impulse buy.
Well I’ve got a ton of loose change and thought it sounded like a great idea, so this morning I headed over to Commerce Bank at 18 and Walnut to use their conistar-like machine to cash in. It turned out that I had like $400 in change. I was shocked!
My next thought is, what do I do with $400 found dollars? What would you do with $400 found dollars? Long story short, I bought a gun. A pink glock. I don’t really care about the color, it’s a fucking gun. If someone gives me shit for having a pink glock, I’ll just shoot them. Besides, the pink gun was 30% off and that brought it right into my budget.
So this afternoon, I was itching to shoot something. I headed over to Kelly Drive after work, walked up behind a goose and shot it execution style in the back of the head. It worked great!
This evening I’m feasting on roast goose. I love my new gun!
These messages were posted to this site and to the Resurrect Dead message board in the early hours of the morning. They came from Mt. Laurel, NJ. If you have the ability, listen:
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george herbert walker bush is cheif hellion now aND his SOViET PAls IN s&b killed JFK
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YOU! YOU MUST LISTEN TO 6250kHz!!!transmitter 6250 kHz Astrakhan Russian Federation 46’55N 47’42E 500KW OUTPUT/1605HRS/utc.
YOU! yOU MUST BROADCAST!YOU!!!
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Aghfanistan KABUL Wazir Akbar Khan Street n.º 13, Lane 4, n.º 274.—Kabul.
Tels: 70 27 70 13 and 70 27 82 69.
Most of us don’t respect the pigeon as we should. For example, did you know that the pigeon you see pecking at scraps of leftover bread in Rittenhouse Square is at that very moment listening a thunderstorm sweeping through the Colorado Rockies? I shit you not.
Pigeons perceive sound 11 octaves below middle C. Soundwaves produced at that level- or infrasound – are created by large disruptions like the ocean, or mountain storms. These waves travel thousands of miles. Pigeons are capable of perceiving them. Consider that next time one shits on you or your car.
And no witnesses. But really, come on now. Would you be a witness? I wouldn’t. Why? Someone would shoot me. If they didn’t shoot me, they’d shoot someone in my family. Fuck that.
I really don’t mean to be glib about this, but what this city needs is Batman. Vigilante justice.
Either that or we do what we’ve done elsewhere in the hemisphere and what we’re quietly doing now in Iraq. Choose a few criminal organizations, then have the state, local and even the federal government train, equip and organize them into a hegemonic force. If each neighborhood has a well established and untouchable mafia style crime organization, violence will initially spike as the war heats up, then drop off as the competition disappears. The mob has done wonders for neighborhoods like South Philly. The next mayor should work off of that model. It worked for Chile and it can work here too.
Once a monopoly of violence is established in each section of the city, this wild west shit will disappear and quality of life will improve dramatically. It’s basic political theory.
Of course, we can’t have this go on permanently. The federal government will have to step in to keep things in ultimate check. Eventually the FBI will have to dismantle these crime organizations. Fortunately by the time that’s done, the neighborhoods will have stabilized and democracy will have taken root. And that’s all for now.
As summer reaches its midpoint, it’s time for a repeat. Long after I post this crap and long after it drops off the front page, people still find it on google, read it and occasionally comment.
Almost every day I get a searcher or two looking for information on Berks County serial killer Matthias Shambacher and his disgruntled spirit at New Bethel cemetery in Kempton, PA. Last Halloween I posted a second hand ghost story about Mr. Shambacher. That story has become one of the most discussed posts on this lightly trod corner of the internet. Even if you read it when I originally posted it, check out the comments that have trickled steadily in since:
I’ve decided that from now on, there will be a slight change in format. During times when I’ve got nothing interesting to say or to share, I’ll just make shit up. Fortunately, I don’t have to do that today. My life has been crazy interesting over the last few weeks.
A lot of you know that you can order prescription drugs online without a doctor’s approval. That’s old news. It’s also how I’ve been rolling in oxys and the hundred dollar bills their white collar addicts trade for them. Between that business and a side thing with some pills and a local private school, I’ve been raking in the cash. You can make a killing selling meds. It’s just nuts.
What I didn’t know was that you can also buy drugs like cocaine online. Not just the coca leaves or plants, I’m talking refined and cut shit straight out of Colombia. What a crazy world! I’ve had my eye on that 15m. penthouse at the new Liberty II condos, so I thought, why they fuck not?
Some people make their $ on ebay selling antiques and shit, but my tastes are too refined to support my lifestyle doing that. I’m used to sipping Cristal in my BMW coupe. I roll with the high class. Plus if you ebay your income, need to know what you’re buying and selling. You need to develop skills and shit. I don’t have time for that. I need my cash NOW.
So that’s why I dumped half my savings into 12 kilos of Colombian coke. Everything was cool, I just shouldn’t have had it all shipped to my day job. The Fed-Ex guy was fine, but someone at work took it upon themselves to open the package. The next thing I know the FBI was dragging me out in handcuffs. I couldn’t believe it and I was pretty upset, but it looked totally cool. I like giving off that air of mystery around my colleagues.
But anyway, I can’t believe it! My business is ruined and my lawyer says I could be in a lot of trouble. I might even have to do jail time or community service. This sucks.
So this afternoon, I was itching to shoot something. I headed over to Kelly Drive after work, walked up behind a goose and shot it execution style in the back of the head. It worked great!
